On the lighter side... Jokes you can tell your grandmother.
Six year old Joey was asked by his mother what
he had learned at school that day. "Well, Mom. Sister told
us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a search and rescue
mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the
Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the
people walked across safely. Then he used his cell-phone to call
headquarters for reinforcements. They sent jets to blow up the
bridge behind them and all the Israelites were saved."
"Joey, are you sure that is really what Sister said?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way Sister did, you’d never believe it!"
A priest walked into a pub, indignant to find so
many of his parishioners there. He rounded them up and shepherded
them into the church. Then he solemnly said, "All those who
want to go to heaven, step here to the left." Everyone
stepped over except one man, who stubbornly stood his ground. The
priest looked at him fiercely and said, "Don't you want to
go to heaven?" "No," said the man. "Do you
mean to stand there and tell me you don’t want to go to
heaven when you die?"
"Of course, I want to go to heaven when I die. I thought you were going right now!"
Sister was classifying a new pupil as to what
social studies class he might fit into. "Who gave us this
beautiful school?" she asked. "President Clinton,"
he replied "Who gave us our Inter-state highways?"
"President Kennedy," came the reply. "Who gave us
Social Security?" "Roosevelt," he replied.
"Who makes the flowers grow and the rain to fall?" she
inquired, to see if he was well prepared for parochial school.
"God," said the new pupil.
At which point came a voice from the rear of the class, "Throw that Republican out!"
Uncle Gus had gone to the Vigil Service for a
friend, and after the ceremony sat in the chapel of the
undertaking parlor until the crowd thinned out, waiting for his
grand nephew to bring the car around to the front of the parlor.
The mortician sat down beside him and began passing the time of
day. "How old are you, sir?" he asked Uncle Gus.
"Eighty-nine!" chirped the old man.
"Eighty-nine!" mused the undertaker. "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
An evangelist was exhorting his
hearers to flee from the wrath to come. "I warn you,"
he thundered, "that there will be weeping and wailing and
gnashing of teeth!" An elderly woman stood up and shouted,
"I have no teeth." "Madam," returned the
evangelist, "I assure you teeth will be provided."
Did you hear about this family in Wisconsin who
all have terrible coughs? They’re known throughout the state
as the Green Bay Hackers.
